


I'll forget you if you need me to

by bobleak



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23757109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobleak/pseuds/bobleak
Summary: It's quite possible that Ryan Bergara has made the biggest mistake of his life. In fact, Ryan Bergara is certain he has fucked everything up and he'd tell you himself if he could just breathe first.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 7
Kudos: 57





	1. But then what?

It's 3am when it hits him. Okay, that's a lie. It hit him immediately. What happens at 3am is more like being punched in the gut so hard you vomit.

He waited so long for this but, somehow, in the darkness of his room it all seems perfectly clear that they will never work.

His face is damp with tears and he can't catch his breath and, how is this happening? This is all he's wanted for years but, in this singular moment of clarity he sees it all crumbling away. Not just them, but everything he's worked for, all those wasted late night editing sessions weren't worth squat if this goes to Hell.

His phone lights up on his nightstand, almost pulling him out of his own head for just a moment. 

If it was anybody else he'd ignore it but he can't ignore him, has never been able to ignore him, even when his words leave him infuriated he still feels compelled to listen.

He wants to be angry at him, but the only anger he can feel is at himself for being stupid enough to land in this situation in the first place.

**Long Legs**

_Why do I feel like you're also awake right now?_

Ryan's heart hurts. He just knows that he's messed up the best friendship he's ever had, the one relationship he always wanted but never thought he could have, and now his impulsivity and downright greed is going to take both away from him. 

It's only then he realises that Shane can see that he's opened his message, he can't even pretend he was asleep.

The panic rises as he makes a desperate dash to the bathroom, cool, he didn't want to digest his dinner anyway and when he returns his phone is ringing.

He can't answer it, just stares in horror as it vibrates on his nightstand. He can barely get air into his lungs let alone speak to him right now.

Years of therapy for anxiety and now he's having the panic attack to end all panic attacks and he can't remember a God damn thing.You have to breathe in for some amount of time, he knows that much.

His entire body is trembling and he just can't think, the alarm bells in his head are too damn loud. A breakdown is always described in actions, but there is no clearer breakdown than the crumbling of his psyche as he desperately tried to hold his skull together with his bare hands and his heart threatens to leap out of his throat.

Is this what a heart attack feels like? is he going to die?

He feels his front door close more than hears it and it's like his throat closes on impact. 

He's so certain he locked the door but, as he wracks his brain he can't remember if he actually did.

The irony of 'the guy who makes the murder show' being murdered seemed much funnier in the hypothetical and despite having a plan for literally any kind of intruder (alive or dead) all he can bring himself to do is watch in horror as the bedroom door creaks open.


	2. It's everything I wanted

By the time he registers that it's fucking Shane, because who else has a key to his apartment he's too far gone for it to be much comfort.

"Hey what's with..." Shane stops midsentence, taking in the sight of the man before him.

Ryan knows he looks a mess. He couldn't speak if he wanted to. His breath coming out in thick desperate wheezes, his hair pulled in at least 5 directions and the lingering smell of vomit in the air.

Still, if Shane dumps him because, let's be real, why wouldn't he, look at him, it would save him a whole lot of hassle.

"Fuck Ry..."

Ryan's legs collapse under him and he registers that he's hit his bed as tears prick at the corners of his eyes. When he looks up Shane is crouched in front of him.

"Hey little guy, whatever it is we'll work it out, okay." He makes it sound so damn simple. Ryan wants to believe him, God, he does.

He doesn't even realise he's crying until Shane reaches out to cup his face wiping a tear away with his thumb.

"Breathe in for six seconds and out for six baby, you need me to count for you?"

He shakes his head. Of course it's six seconds. He should know that, how did he forget? He closes his eyes and just focusses on trying to breathe. Once he manages to breathe he might finally be able to think.

It takes a while, he doesn't know how much time passes, only aware of his own breathing and Shane's thumb softly rubbing circles on his thigh, and he can't think about that right now or he'll be back to square one.

When he eventually opens his eyes Shane is right there watching him with the kind of reverence reserved for deity's, not men in their late twenties who just can't calm down.

"Hey Ry, you up to filling me in?" Ryan feels his throat catch at the very concept and frantically shakes his head.

Shane doesn't even push him. 

  
"That's alright little guy, but it's pretty darn late so what do you say we get some sleep, huh?" 

The exhaustion hits Ryan like a tidal wave as he nods.

"Ok. Let me get my shoes off and I'll get you comfy." 

"You don't have to sleep in your jeans." Ryan mutters realising just how raspy his voice sounds.

Later with Shane wrapped around him like a safety net he never knew he needed, Ryan realises that those were the first words he said to Shane that night. He settles into the soft warmth of his partner and tries not to think about this being the last time he gets this. 

And finally, at 6:04 in the morning, Ryan Bergara drifts off to sleep.


End file.
